Perspective, Love and Appreciating The Now After Loss

Perspective, Love and Appreciating The Now After Loss

appreciation {noun}

         1. recognition and enjoyment of the good qualities of someone or something.

         2. a full understanding of a situation.


Children are a wonderful gauge for just how quickly time flies. They grow and change constantly before your eyes. We forget that all parts of ours lives do the same. What’s here today, won’t be the same tomorrow. It’s just the way it goes.

My Grandparents are a wonderful gauge for just how much love and loss exists in a lifetime. Their love that is stronger, more humorous than ever. The many final goodbyes they’ve had to say to loved ones.

How important it is to appreciate the now.

So important.

carla da costa

When you reach a full stop, an important full stop in your life, sometimes it’s important, actually sometimes it’s necessary to stop and take a look back. Remembering where you have been. What you have done. What you have brought into this world. What you have shared with another. The good and the not so good.

carla da costa

I don’t believe in living with regrets. Certainly I don’t carry any. But hindsight, hindsight is a wonderful thing. For sure there are things that I would do differently if I happened to have had my time again. Decisions I would have still made. Choices I wouldn’t have made. Things I tolerated that I wouldn’t again. Occasions where I wish that I had behaved differently. Matters where I wish I’d really stood my ground and refused to budge. You don’t know better till you learn better sometimes.

There have been times in the last two months where I’ve felt annoyed at myself. Where I have felt like I’ve fu*ked up. It’s not true of course and for the second time in a week I find myself writing that admittedly I know I’m being a little too hard on myself here.

carla da costa

But life.


Life is for living and as I was reminded this week, life is for enjoying and enjoying right now.

Life is about being happy.

Being proud.

Being loved.

It’s about following your heart.

It’s leaving no stone unturned, no love unanswered, no dream unfulfilled.

It’s about living an honest life.

And if it’s not those things for us then we need to do something about it.

There is no failure when it comes to living your life.

It’s all living.

carla da costa

Yes this is a rambling post.

But this week a beautiful lady from my life coaching class passed away and while we weren’t particularly close it completely caught me off-guard. Perhaps it’s because of all the changes that have been slowly occurring in my life since September last year. Either way Clare’s passing upset and rattled me.

Perhaps it was because she was such a beautiful person, who was a similar age to my own, with two young children of her own. Whatever the reason, it hit home to me just how precious life is. That there are no guarantees on the years that we are allowed to spend on this Earth. How quickly it can be taken away. Life isn’t always fair. In fact sometimes it’s just plain random. We take for granted our time here in the belief that we will live till an old age. Somedays we forget that we only get to live this particular life once, with these same people once.

This year life has shown me just how unpredictable she can be.

In the last six months I had my own (very minor) melanoma scare, an old friend diagnosed with a rare cancer, Clare’s passing away and I’ve witnessed a friend go through a family tragedy.

carla da costa


I’ve weathered this last nine months well (I’d like to think so at least). Knowing that all the changes and growth are the right things to be happening. Not always easy. But right. Either way, I know I am coming out the other side of this a much better person for it all.

But perspective tells me that my losses, my changes, my mistakes, they aren’t so bad. Not in the scheme of a lifetime.

I get to wake up every day, breathe, smile, love, be loved, enjoy my life. Not everybody had that chance today.

I promise now to enjoy my life even more than I ever did previously. To be grateful for the privileges that are in my life at this moment in time, to enjoy them now, not to save them for later- because later may not look how I imagine it might. To say what I feel, to pursue and enjoy what I couldn’t leave this lifetime having not tried, tasted, known, visited or loved.

I don’t want to be left with any what ifs in my life.

It is as simple as that.

carla da costa

Change is inevitable but if loss is also a possibility at any moment of my life then I choose to appreciate the now. To enjoy and make the most of every day that I am blessed to have. To live for every moment.

carla da costa

I’m going to be here for a long time but it’s not forever.

The truth is that someday, someone who loves me is going to look at my photo and miss me. I want them to miss me good and remember me with a smile.

carla da costa

As I say goodbye to this one chapter of my life and welcome in another, I leave you with a beautiful video Clare created last year (which you can also find publicly on her YouTube). This is her own music with her own singing voice captured at a time after she had finished her treatment for breast cancer. I hope it gives you perspective on your own life, like it also did for me, knowing that she has now passed away,

Do what you know you need to do.

Call that person, hug somebody a little harder, tell somebody how you feel, leave, take the trip, say sorry, love without fear, smile.

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Carla Da Costa

Carla Da Costa Life Coach, Certified Law Of Attraction Coach, Author and Speaker