The Importance Of Knowing What You Want In A Man (Or Woman!)

The Importance Of Knowing What You Want In A Man (Or Woman!)

What are you looking for in a man?

It’s so very easy when you’re single to get hung up on what you don’t want in a new partner. Past experience and memories remind us of all the bad eggs, ar#$holes and hurts we’ve been blessed enough to know and live through!

No surprises, but like I mentioned here, what you keep on thinking is out there in the dating pool is what you will keep on finding. If you think that “all men are cheating pricks” or that there are “no good men out there” does it make sense to you that thinking like this might make finding your ideal guy that little more difficult?

I’m going to go a little left of field here and liken men to cars……just for a moment. Go with me please on this one!

Have you ever seen a car drive past you on the road and thought “hey I really like that car, I could really see myself driving that?” From that moment on what happens? All of a sudden you go from never ever seeing this car before to seeing it on the road everywhere. The cars didn’t miraculously appear on the road, everybody didn’t go out and rush off to buy one all of a sudden. What happened is that you changed what you were focusing on. You realised you wanted and liked a particular something. As a result you went from not noticing it at all to seeing what you wanted all around you everywhere as a result.

“I want” exercises are a powerful way to keep our focus away firmly on the most important question that we should be asking ourselves.

What do I want?

This is about clarity and considering what’s most important to us. About returning our thoughts to the positive rather than getting caught up in the negative because fact – there are a lot of great guys out there. A lot of great guys out there looking for somebody just like you (it’s the truth regardless of your past experience with men or women). And if you struggle to believe this then sit back right now and think over all the great guys in your life that you know already- the husbands of your friends, your brothers or other family members, your guy friends, your work colleagues. Great guys (and wonderful women for that matter) exist and are out there!

In the spirit of sharing and inspiring (because if you’re single and looking then here’s where I’d love you to put pen to paper and write your own), let me share my list of I want’s with you.

I want somebody who:

Treats me with care and love.

Adds to the joy, passion and fun in my life.

Is genuine, kind and loyal.

Who has a funny bone and doesn’t take himself too seriously.

Is handsome (to my eye)

Has an uplifting nature.

Is my height or taller.

Is family orientated.

Is financially stable and motivated.

Is emotionally available and self-aware.


This is not me being desperate for a man, I am loved in my life for who I am and I’m happy now with or without a man. Nor is it about me being picky. It’s simply me being clear about the values that are important to me in a person (ok……minus the height and the handsome part!!) and admitting out loud that yes, I would love to have someone lovely in my life to call my own again – don’t we all?

If I know what I’m desiring in a person then I will better find exactly what I’m looking for, consider them a possible close fit or dismiss quicker what is not a match at all.

This is not about having a type either- I don’t believe in that, better to widen your dating pool than narrow it. Because honestly your ideal guy might tick all these boxes and not be the type of person you imagine in your mind right now. You might meet him in an unlikely place or when you least expect. He may not look like you imagine. Keep your possibilities open!

And every time you find your mind returning to a past memory or hurt and your thoughts start drifting back to what you don’t want, what you’re not wanting to recreate again in your life, gently send it back to the list of what you do want, what you are looking for in a man.


What’s your biggest takeaway after reading this for yourself?



If you would love some inspiration to feel your absolute best inside and out my book A Vibrant Here may help. You can read more about it here.

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If you’re needing more personal care, I’m here to help. I’ve been completely in love with supporting and healing women for over four years. I work one-on-one so we can become clear on what you need to shift and bring more of into your life.

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Carla Da Costa

Carla Da Costa Life Coach, Certified Law Of Attraction Coach, Author and Speaker